You never need to wait to be who you are

Recently I had one of the most triggering days I’ve had in a long time.

I was incredibly stressed, emotionally distraught, and physically exhausted. I definitely wasn’t feeling like the version of me who “has it all together.” And yet something surprising happened.

I chose a few outcomes I wanted to experience in the midst of a very chaotic situation, and they all unfolded quickly and easily.

What really struck me in retrospect was not that they happened. It was how I felt about those things in reference to “manifestation.” I didn’t believe in them. At least not in the way manifestation teachings often describe.

I wasn’t feeling abundant. Or powerful. I certainly wasn’t feeling confident or like I had fully accepted it as my “truth.” I definitely wasn’t being the version of myself who already had those things.

I simply chose. Without trying to believe anything. Even while feeling frustrated, distressed, and overwhelmed.

I felt awful, inside and out. I still chose. And those desires still showed up, effortlessly.

It reminded me of something I’ve seen so many times in my life: Thoughts can be loud. Feelings can be intense. Circumstances can look impossible. But none of them are actually the decision-maker.

I AM the decider. What I stay loyal to in Consciousness, as Awareness itself, is the only thing that truly matters. That will be my lived experience. Whether I’m doing it consciously and in my favor, or not.

Slowly, beautifully, I have come to understand more clearly than ever - that my power isn’t in controlling my thoughts, trying to convince myself of something, or manipulating my feelings. It’s in choosing. Again and again.

Not because there’s full faith, unwavering belief, or perfectly aligned emotions. But because we never have to become someone else before we can choose to say yes to what we want.

It’s such a powerful and exquisite gift to receive the realization that my choice and my emotional state, are not the same thing. And they don’t have to be.

As opposed to the many years I spent trying to follow different manifestation teachings and apply second hand information - all of which had me endlessly twisting myself into knots trying to earn what was already mine.

Become the version who has it.

Feel and think like the version who has it.

Hold just the right pose in front of the world mirror long enough until the physical world shows you what you want.

Exhausting. And ultimately, for me anyway, fruitless and completely unnecessary.

So much of the information out there teaches becoming the version of you who already has what you want. But my own direct, lived experience keeps showing me that I can choose even when I don’t believe; when I don’t feel aligned, certain, or like the person who has it.

Reality is far more responsive to our choice than it is to the ever-changing and always temporary thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensations of the already-manifested 3D world.

Yes, on some level it’s true that the physical world is like a mirror - reflecting back who and what we are conscious of being; the stories we live by, what we accept as our truth.

There is some truth in that teaching. But really, that’s a partial understanding. And when we misinterpret that idea, it can easily become yet another impossible standard to meet.

What often inadvertently happens when we assume that the world is a mirror, is that we think our job is to somehow perfect ourselves first. That we need to constantly hold and perfectly embody just the right self-concept or state of being that exactly matches our desire.

And then if you manage to hold that pose long enough, like maintaining a Cheshire cat grin until your cheeks go numb, then reality will finally reward you with your prize.

But that has never actually been my lived experience.

Because here’s the thing - you are reality. What we call the 3D, the physical world, is really just our own consciousness, made manifest. Where our inner self, so to speak, (even though there really is no inner or outer - it’s all just us as Awareness) gets expressed.

So if you’re trying to hold a pose - to be someone you don’t actually think you are, in order to get something you don’t actually think you have - then who you are being is really someone who doesn’t have what they want, but trying to be the person who does.

And the physical world, which is your holistic sense of self made manifest, says - yes, you’re right. You don’t have it. You are being the one trying. And you continue to experience trying, but not having.

What I have experienced over and over, is that my desires come into my life so much faster when I stop trying to earn them or become someone else, and simply choose.

Not because I feel convinced - I’m Source; who is there to convince?

Not because I have evidence - I am reality, I am the only evidence.

Not because I’ve successfully eliminated doubt and believe with confidence that my desire will most certainly happen.

But because I have said yes.

Yes to the desires that I didn’t even consciously choose.

Have you ever noticed that we never actually consciously choose our desires? We become aware of them. They come into our awareness, having already been chosen by our dimensionally greater self. By our Taller Self, as I like to refer to it.

So why would our human self have to get anything “right,” to experience what has already been chosen?

And this is where so many of us get lost. Where I got so lost for years.

We think the work is becoming the version who has it. And maybe we can genuinely be that person for a while. Until we feel triggered or circumstances are up in our face and it all just feels too hard and too much.

But what if the work is simply remaining loyal to our yes? To decide:

This is who I am now, because I say so. This is what I’m having and how it’s going for me, because I said yes to what I want. It is what I say it is - no matter what thoughts, feelings, sensations, or conditions are present or seemingly in the way. Nothing matters except remembering I AM that I AM, exactly as I am right now, and what I say is, is.

Unconditionally.

Nothing to earn or perfect or achieve.

It’s not about fighting thoughts or suppressing emotions. And why would you ever need to manipulate yourself by pretending to feel differently than you do, in order to experience a desire you didn’t choose to be aware of in the first place? As if you need to let something outside of you know what you want and behave a certain way to get it. When in truth, both the desire and the fulfillment of that desire are already contained within you; because you are all that is.

And just to be clear - staying loyal to our yes isn’t meant to be turned into yet another condition to meet. It is simply about deciding: yes, I’m having that, I am that, and then not contradicting or revoking that decision.

Recognizing that a passing thought is not a decision. A painful emotion is not a decision. A memory or old story is not a decision. An unwanted circumstance is not a decision.

Those are all just experiences that arise within you; they have no creative power without your agreement, and your attention on them or identification with them.

They can all come and go without changing what you have chosen to say yes to, what you have accepted as your choice to experience. Whether you feel it and believe it or not.

To me, that is what loyalty to a desire really means. What deciding actually looks like in lived practice.

It’s never been about forcing belief, endlessly affirming, or trying to convince yourself.

It’s simply refusing to revoke your choice every time the mind becomes frightened, discouraged, or impatient.

When I look back at the manifestations that unfolded the most easily in my life, this is what I see.

Not perfect embodiment. Not perfect faith. Just a simple, unwavering willingness to let my choice stand. Even if I had to return to that choice with fierce love and devotion one thousand times a day. No matter how loud or intense the so-called inner or outer conditions seemingly were.

For me, those are the desires that tangibly manifested. The ones where I remained loyal to my yes, without trying to earn anything.

My faith was never in believing that my desire would for sure show up. It was in trusting that staying loyal to my choice to say yes to that desire, was enough.

And there is such jubilant freedom in that recognition.

That you do not have to become someone else before you choose. You do not have to earn your desires through the right thoughts. You do not need to wait until you feel worthy, healed, certain, or ready for the magic that you yourself created before time existed.

You are Love itself, Life itself. You both made the starlight and moonlight, and are made of them. You don’t have to struggle to rid yourself of the human foibles that your Taller Self crafted for the sheer joy of it.

You can let your sweet shorter self love what you love, because it has always been yours.

You can simply say yes. And then allow that yes to remain true, even when your human experience has not yet caught up to it.

For me, that changes everything. Isn’t it wonderful?